December 18, 2008

All I want for Christmas is my Ginger Pube Pillow

Location: National Mechanics
Attendees: Rob, Ryan, Bethany, Brent and special guest Maggie

Name: Margaret E.
Occupation: Amateur Model
Favorite boob: The slightly bigger, slightly nicer left one.

Q: If you had a pillowcase full of doorknobs who would you hit?
A: Shawn White. He's a little ginger snowboarding fuck.

Maggie proceeds to tell us how she can't wait till gingers like Shawn White are gone. Maggie informs us that it's a proven fact that one day gingers will not exist. And apparently she hopes to speed up that process by beating them with bags of doorknobs.

We offered up a special ginger Fuck, Chuck, Marry
Chuck: Carrot Top
Marry: Chucky from the Rugrats
Fuck: Shawn White and then hit him with a pillowcase full of doorknobs.

Brent then tells Maggie that ginger pubes go good on everything. They're soo soft, just like a pillow.

Q: You hate any other groups of people?
A: Yes! White hippie people with dreads. No white person except for the guy at Skinners (cause he's hot) should have dreads. Furthermore, no one under the age of 40 is a hippie so shut up and take a bath.

Ryan informs Maggie that he once had dreads. And that he used to use a cut-off t-shirt sleeve as a do-rag at night. Maggie cackles and points.

Rob shakes his eggs and tells us he's allergic to pussy willows.

Rob said Cafe Lift had better Eggs Maryland and believe it or not probably better service considering that there was only one waitress for the entire dinning room at National Mechanics. Ryan waited longer for his less than half full glass of vodka at NM than for his latte at Cafe Lift, hmm perhaps he should grow back some of those dreads.

Some Pictures of Food

Q: Most illegal thing you ever did?
A: Stole lip gloss on Thanksgiving Day and stole cheese cups in high school. Lame. Ryan beat everyone with illegal-ness and told us a story that involved a scanner, a washing machine, poor lighting, several purchases and apparently some really stupid people.

Q: Which reindeer would you fuck?
A: Well not Rudolph because he wouldn't try very hard and that red nose of his is clearly an STD alert. Comet or Blitzen. They're the least gay names. And Comet is the name of the dog from Full House. Blitzen sounds like a bad ass. He'd rough you up a little.

Maggie begins to tell us how she always watches The Hills. We nod, chug our drinks and run away.

The Short and Not So Sweet
Maggie likes...
pillowcases full of doorknobs, putting herself in risky situations that involve sleeping with 15 Greek guys, running through sprinklers wearing pirate outfits, putting hot sauce in Brent's eye, and Honey Mustard cause it goes good on everything. Even gingers.

Maggie wants...
to have a furry affair with the Philly Phanatic, to float on a piece of white meat and paddle through a gravy river using a wishbone oar, her super hero power to be teleporting and of course, to jump Pete Yorn's bones

Maggie dislikes...
ginger snowboarders, hippies especially ones under 40, white people with dreads, ginger pubs even if they are soft like pillows and Oscar her kitten cause he's a piece of shit. He craps in the bathtub and hangs upside down from the blinds.

It's The Tits