Dish + Bitch: 2009

March 30, 2009

Future + Brunch + Booz ultd.

Location: Monica Psyhic + Derek's Manayunk
Date: 03/22/09
Attendees: Bethany, Brent, Natasha & Yasmine
Written by: Yasmine

I know there have been many “special” editions of Dish+Bitch thus far; but I must say that this one was by far the most…mystical. When I was told that our Sunday brunch was going to be preceded by a visit to Philadelphia’s famous Psychic Monica in Manayunk, I must say I was intrigued. What got me even more excited to go was the promise of unlimited Bloody Marys at Derek’s.

Being the skeptic that I am, I was trying take this whole “psychic” experience as a joke. When we walked in, we were split into 2 groups, I am taking the freedom to give those two groups distinctive names. Group 1, aka “truth ain’t pretty so suck it up bitches” and Group 2 aka “life is beautiful, you are a free creature, fly fly fly away my child”.
Group1: Yasmine and Bethany had a reading by Monica. Group 2, Natasha and Brent had a reading by Monica’s daughter.

As I sat down, the whole room was silent. Monica stared at me with her big eyes and flat out told me “look, I’m going to tell you things you don’t want to hear, it is the truth that you must face, I sense that you have a shield covering your heart, you have major trust issues, you are your worst enemy…” it didn’t really get any better for the remainder of the reading. I was puzzled and left with her telling me that I needed spiritual healing with crystals, serious shizz… All I’m saying is, this reading needed to be washed down with unlimited Bloody Marys.

We did learn something very important however; it turns out that Natasha and Brent go way back, like 3 generations back. We are not sure what kind of relationships they had, the possibilities are endless, and may make some people uncomfortable.
Also another important thing, apparently Natasha will be having a love baby, or a dog. We are not sure, but Brent, Bethany and I couldn’t help but plan out Natasha’s affair which may result in her being pregnant or having a dog. I think she prefers a dog.

After an insight into to our bright/not so bright but there’s hope/your are doomed future, we needed food and beverages. Not having been to Manayunk before, and thinking that we were heading into the country, I must say, I was satisfied. The ambiance at Derek was pleasant. Mimosas and Bloody Marys were flying on trays across the room. I do not recall how many Mimosas Brent had which may be because my Bloody Marys hit me hard that I lost my ability to count OR simply because he had so many that I lost count.

Needless to say, our main topic of conversation centered about the future, which can either be really good or just depressing. All in all, apart from Natasha’s love baby/ puppy situation, we all felt like there was something interesting awaiting us out there.

Let’s talk food. Brent and I had smoked salmon with the works. The bread was very good, I believe it was brioche. Natasha had strawberry stuffed French toast, which looked delicious. Bethany couldn’t find anything that had chicken in it on the menu so she ventured for the off the menu daily special - Chicken Breast Omelet with lots of colorful veggies. We were happy with our food.

To many brunch adventures to come.

March 22, 2009

Heads Will Roll

So it has been brought to my attention that we haven't been updating this blog on a timely basis. We took a break from Dish+Bitch(ing) for a month to get the blog updating on a healthy/timely schedule, but from the looks of it, this hiatus made it worse.

We still have almost four entries from back in January that needs to be bitch slapped into pixels.

Slow and steady wins the race...i suppose

February 23, 2009

I’m all about shrinkage.

Location: Tinto, 114 S. 20th St.
Attendees: Rob, Ryan, Bethany, Natasha, and Brent.
Special Guest: Yasmine Hossam Hamdy
Occupation: Transient Alien

Upon entering Tinto, Brent and I were greeted by a high school friend of mine, who wound up being our server. He also works at Morimoto’s and is a pretty good waiter. Yasmine and Natasha both show up nearly 15 minutes late and as usual Bethany and Ryan come walking in more than tardy. Natasha surprises us all when she announces that she is hung over from the night before (very unlike a grandmother). Bethany doesn’t surprise us in the least when she announces that she is still drunk from the night before.

Question Time.

Fuck, Chuck or Marry. Emerill Lagasse, the Frugal Gourmet, and Andrew Zimmern

Fuck Emeril Lagasse.

Chuck the Frugal Gourmet

Marry Andrew Zimmern

Question 1:
If you had a choice between getting a teardrop tattoo or two full sleeves of tribal, which would you choose and why?
Answer: Full sleeves of tribal. She says it’s bad-ass… Although I think the teardrop is way more bad-ass.

Question 2:
If you had a choice between having two haircuts for the rest of your life, one being a bowl cut and the other being a crewcut with a 6” rat tail, which would you choose and why?
Answer: Crewcut with a 6”rat tail, due to the fact that the bowl cut would not be possible with her curly hair.

Question 3:
Part 1: If you had a one superpower, which would it be and why?
Answer: Time-Travel

Brent chokes on asparagus oil.

Part 2: Time-Travel, What would the first era/period that you would travel to be?
Answer: Cleopatra times.

Question 4:
What would your dream “bad-ass” profession be?
Answer: “Fin Fighter”. She would hunt down all the people who kill sharks and whales for their fins to make a delicious soup. Cut their nets and sink their boats. (picture of shark fin soup)

Question 5:
How would you kill someone?
Answer: Sniper rifle, no blood on her hands in the physical sense.

Question 6:
Who would you murder if you had the chance, alive or dead?
Answer: Child molesters and rapists. All of them with her bare hands.

Which leads us to the next question…

Question 7:
Would you rather be labeled a child molester or have both your feet amputated?
Answer: Child molester (weird choice). She would then move to a place where they didn’t understand English, so that when she introduced herself as a child molester they would not understand her.

Question 8:
What is your most hated catch-phrase or word and why?
Answer: “Figure it out.” It started in school. She says “Why would I ask you the question if I already knew the answer. Doi!”

Yasmine is buzzed after 1/3 of her first Pamplona.

Question 9:
If you could be any animal or insect, what would you be?
Answer: I would be an eagle with dolphin fins (she better not cut them off a live dolphin, that would hypocrytical), a scorpion tail, and horse legs. She doesn’t want anything from a turtle. She hates them.

Question 10:
If you could invite 3 people dead or alive to this brunch who would it be?

1. Andy Warhol, so she can say “WTF!”

2. Bob Marley

3. Andrew Zimmern

Fuck, Chuck or Marry. Danny DeVito, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and John C. Reilly

Fuck Danny DeVito.

Chuck John C. Reilly

Marry Phillip Seymour Hoffman

Food:

Rob: Cured Salmon Plate, Huevos Benedictos, Applewood Smoked Bacon & Gateaux Basque

Brent: Cured Salmon Plate, Padre E Hijo, Grilled Asparagus & Gateaux Basque

Ryan: Cured Salmon Plate, Padre E Hijo, Chorizo & Brulee of Grapefruit

Bethany: Homemade Granola, Steak & Eggs (very well done), Applewood Smoked Bacon & Gateaux Basque

Natasha: Homemade Granola, Steak & Eggs, Applewood Smoked Bacon & Gateaux Basque

Yasmine: Cured Salmon Plate, Steak & Eggs, Piperade & Brulee of Grapefruit

Drinks:

Brent: Biscay 2x

Ryan: Pamploma 2x

Bethany: Biscay

Yasmine: Pamplona 2x

Rob: Coke 3x

Pictures of Food & Drinks:

February 13, 2009

I Want Something That Tastes Delicious

♥ Special Edition: Valentine's Day 2009 ♥

Location:
Jones
7th & Chestnut

Attendees:
Rob and Brent

Missing:
Bethany & Ryan

Special Guest(s):

Newlyweds Mike & Kelly
Occupation: Lovers
Special Talents: 33% Compatibility & showing up at just the right moment.

We decided to take our brunch guests to Jones since the atmosphere was so retro-kitsch and played into our special game so well. We decided to play The Newlywed Game, Bob Eubanks style (minus his jokes about AIDS).

Upon waiting nearly half an hour to be seated, Kelly had sent me a text saying they would be running a little late because she was at home watching Rock of Love 2. During our wait, Rob started talking about his new adventure in Weird New Jersey and setting fires to gas stations.

Food:

Starting top left going clockwise:
1. Strawberry Basil Caipirinha
(for something basil related in drink form, it was pretty good. like almost too good. like recalled peanut products good.
2. 1 fish 2 fish
(It took Kelly 20 minutes to order, telling the waiter "I want something that taste delicious" then later stated "Damn I should have asked what drink has the most alcohol." She then preceded to chip a tooth on the harden swedish fish.
3. Jones Decadent Hot Chocolate
(It had Godiva white and dark liquor topped with whipped cream and chocolate shavings, so it had to be good. But Rob later stated he should have gotten something cold)
4. Monkey Bread
5. Huevos Rancheros
6. Mushroom & Cheddar Omelette
7. Biscuit & Egg Sandwich
8. Potato Pancakes
9. Tomato Soup

Overall the food was good and quick. Like unusually quick. Not quick like Stewie Griffins 8 second co-worker sex. But pretty darn close.

So on to the Newlywed Game:

Question 1
When your spouse leaves the house, what time is it? Party time? Time to clean? Nap time?

Kelly:
I would say: Nap Time
He would say: Party Time

Mike:
I would say: Party Time
She would say: Clean Up Time

Kelly-1 / Mike-0

Question 2
What one item of clothing does your spouse wear that you just can't stand?

Kelly:
He would say: Tall boots over jeans
For him: pair of old tapered jeans

Mike:
She would say: my old boxers
For her: her "sunday panties"

Kelly-0 / Mike-0

Question 3
When your spouse wakes up in the morning she/he is likely find my _______ on her/his ______.

Kelly:
I would say: his "thing" on my ass
He would say: my knee in his face

Mike:
I would say: knees in my back
She would say: hand on her butt

Kelly-.5 / Mike-.5
(since it was almost a match we gave them a half point each)

Question 4
Complete the following sentence: "A perfect spouse is one who _________"

Kelly:
I would say: cooks and cleans and loves and listen (good husband)
He would say: gives bj's daily

Mike:
I would say: "give it up"
She would say: listen to my bitching.

Kelly-1 / Mike-1
(it was pretty close so we gave the both a point)

Question 5
What candy bar would your spouse choose to describe your style of making love?

Kelly:
I would say: peppermint patty
He would say: nutrageous

Mike:
I would say: pop rocks
She would say: twix

(not sure what any of those answers meant)

Kelly-0 / Mike-0.

Final Score
Kelly-2.5
Mike 1.5

February 6, 2009

It's Human Nature

Despite my greatest efforts on getting this blog entry up, I'm late...surprise.
This post was originally supposed to go up on Monday Feb. 2 to coincide with Groundhog's Day.

For a lack of better words, I fucked up.
Like a teeanger's period...better late than never I suppose.

Location: Marathon Grill 15th and Walnut
Attendees: Rob, Ryan, Bethany, Brent

Special Guest: Groundhog

Name: Groundhog
Occupation: Shadow Boxer
Favorite Spice: Old Spice

Ryan and Bethany shows up late. Like not Brian McMicken late, but pretty close.

We had food...but you know...it's Marathon...it's not that great.
Rob ordered something so vile that I don't remember what it was. Actually he seemed to enjoy it since it was gone in less than 4 minutes.

Ryan order some sort of steak thing with like eggs or cheese. Maybe a tortilla, maybe toast. I don't remember.

Bethany ordered a mix of things that resembled a breakfast sandwich. But your guess is as good as mine.

I order the lox and bagels. It was like caper hell.

The Groundhog was on a diet. So he didn't eat.

On to the interview or lack their of.

Question 1:
Fuck, Chuck or Marry:

1. Rocky (from Rocky and Bullwinkle)
2. Sandy Squirrel
3. Alvin, Simon, Theodore

Answer: